Inevitable
by WindowChild
Summary: Tommy thinks over the Walker family dynamics, and how things ended up the way they did.


A/N: The end part is set before Tommy runs away, obviously.

The Walker family had always had an undisputed rhythm. It consisted of favorites and alliances mostly, with the occasional dictation on who got to prevail in arguments. It had begun with Sarah, and she generally was the spokesperson. Never a peacemaker exactly, as that was Kevin or Justin's job, but she read the younger kids their rights.

It was hardly any different with their parents. Both had definite opinions on who was special and who was going to be somebody. They may have loved all of their children, but they hardly had the same hopes for them.

William gave all but a fraction of his affection to his two daughters. They were his pride and joy; they got the best grades, and as far as he was concerned, they were the future of the family. He doted on his sons significantly less. Nora was the reverse. While she loved her girls, and adored meddling in their teenage social lives, she spent more attention on her sons. Well, on Kevin and Justin at least.

And so, Tommy got left behind. He was the forgotten middle child, and it was even forgotten that he was in fact the middle child. The hardest position in any family, whatever their patterns may be. It wasn't that his parents didn't pay attention to him, exactly. It's just that they didn't spend too much time giving him the scraps of extra devotion that his siblings got. He certainly wasn't the oldest (Sarah made sure he knew that), but often times Nora and William treated him as if he should act like it.

"You're their big brother," Nora had said, encouraging Tommy to take Kevin and Justin to some party. "They look up to you." And Tommy had grumbled but taken them anyway, deciding from then on to play up his role model position to its fullest extent.

He chased after his brothers, making sure neither of them got into trouble. When Sarah began dating guys, he asked to meet them first. He grew up twice as fast as he should of, and all in one fell swoop.

It had changed when they grew up, of course. The birth order ceased to matter as much, with the significant exception of Justin. Tommy no longer felt like such a middle child, even if he was still often forgotten. With secrets, he was frequently the last to know. Nobody ever asked him for advice, and nobody ever told him they were proud of him. More than once he'd taken the fall for his siblings, and never once had he been thanked. And he couldn't help it, it made him bitter. No matter what he did, he never stood out as being anything other than the quiet older brother.

Sometime around when Sarah started having kids, he decided to play the protector again. With his siblings, with the company, defending was something he could do well. But the pattern repeated, and nobody seemed to notice much. The only thing anyone ever paid attention to was when he screwed up, whether it be in a big way or a small. He started to really resent them for it.

Then he finally had the chance to do something for his family. He could get the company back, in a big day. He could rid them of Holly, once and for all. And so he took his chances, telling himself that the bright possibilities outweighed the risks. He was wrong obviously, as proven by the fact that he was sitting on Sarah's couch in the middle of the day.

He'd failed again, and this time everyone knew more than ever. This time no one would forgive him, because no one understood what he'd been trying to do. He felt guilty, in a way, that he'd done this to them. But he kept telling himself that this was karma; fate was making up for them not paying attention to him. It was backwards logic, but he was too miserable to care.

"Hey," Sarah said softly, coming up behind him. "Are you okay?" He merely stared at her, his mouth practically engraved into a frown. She wiggled a beer in his face, "Want it?"

He nodded. "Sure, thanks." He took a long swig, trying to come up with anything that would make his day a little better. Nothing came to mind. "Did you know I'm the middle child?" He asked suddenly, before he could think better of it.

She came around, sitting with him on the couch. "Uh, yeah, I knew that." She paused for a second, chuckling to herself. "Actually, you know what? I forgot. There's so many of us that it's hard to tell sometimes." She stopped again. "Well, technically you're not, if you include Ryan."

He grimaced, not wanting to think about it. "Yeah, but when we grew up. I was the middle child."

She nodded. "I guess you were."

He looked at her pointedly, "So? You don't think that this is kind of inevitable, then?"

She shrugged, smiling in spite of herself. "You breaking the law? I hate to break it to you Tommy, but plenty of middle children live perfectly legally."

He folded his arms, frustrated. "Yeah, whatever."

Sarah looked at him again, "Are you serious, though? You think it had something to do with this?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly, staring at the ground. "Just forget it."

"But Tommy, if you think it did…" She hesitated. "Well, I guess it doesn't change anything does it?

"Sure it does," Tommy answered, his voice low, "You could maybe understand then."

She stared at him for a long moment, before answering. "I do understand, Tommy."

"You do?" He laughed bitterly; she didn't get it at all.

"Of course, I do," she replied, "You wanted to protect the family."

He looked up at her, surprised. "Then…" The question died on his tongue; he couldn't afford to sound any more self-righteous.

She answered him anyway, though. "But no one needed to be protected, Tommy. We're all grown up now, you don't have to try and fix things that aren't broken." She stood up, smiling. "Even so, though. I do appreciate how hard you try. Sometimes. "

He mumbled, "Thanks," and looked away from her. Oddly enough, this made it all worse. If they appreciated him, then why did no one ever make him feel like was wanted? Maybe it was inevitable, after all.


End file.
